Matt Yeager

Victory

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 20:49:23 GMT

Good decision America.

All nighter

Fri, 07 May 2004 13:22:47 GMT

18-220 final in 8 hours, 14 minutes 51 seconds. I never post here, but I decided now was the correct time to do so. A few items...

- This summer, I'll be staying on campus, working for Network Engineering, living at KDR, and partying. Can't complain about that; awesome job, great money, spending the summer working on Project KDR.

- The semester is over. My grades suck. No suprise there.

- View our most recent composite proof here: link

- A NYC/LI trip may be happening in the next few weeks, primarily to visit Grace, but if you are going to be in the city during the end of May or early June, let me know.

Back to studying, 8 hours, 8 minutes, 58 seconds to go...

also:
another politically incorrect link

Rick James

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 05:55:41 GMT

Delta Upsilon
Phi Kappa Theta
Pi Kappa Alpha

I hope you all die.

4 days. Bring it.
Honor Super Omnia.

Thu, 20 Nov 2003 03:12:04 GMT

Spring Schedule

home home on the BORED

Sun, 19 Oct 2003 09:22:59 GMT

So I'm updating this thing, primarily due to peer pressure. To quote a cokehead from my high school, "peer pressure is great, it'll make me do anything."

So for the basic rundown:

This year I tried going to class, hoping my grades would improve. They didn't. Fuck academia.

Aside from education, things have been spectacular. This fall rush yeilded the biggest pledge class in 11 years for KDR, as 13 great guys walked up our stairs on pledge night. Among them were one of my best friends, Billy, and my little brother, Adam Wolbach. Talk about a good big/little matchup. He has a lot of rage. For instance: in an intermural football game, he recieved personal fouls on 4 consecutive plays, only to outdo himself by breaking an opponent's nose in the next game. Basically, I rule, and he rules by association.

Other things have been going equally well, IM sports are on fire, our parties have been absolutely amazing. Fun fact: over 1000 students attended our anual foam party (that's approxamately 1/5 of the CMU undergraduate population).

In the past couple weeks I have become completely and wholeheartedly addicted to Jerkcity. Without a doubt, the funniest and most offensive thing I have ever read. GALHGLHAGLAHGLHALHGA.

In other more exciting and important news, departing from my Lil' Romeo creed of "unt unh Tiegin I don't need a girlfriend", I'm now officially going out with Grace, primarily for her proficiency at producing baked goods. For those of you that don't know her, she is small (and cute by corollary). Pictures and such will follow at a date when I am less lazy (never).

And for those of you that are avid fans of the Family Guy, "I've never been with a Spanish chick before, Ole!"

HARRR,
Matt

You knew it

Fri, 20 Jun 2003 23:39:30 GMT

What country am I?

I being the best person ever should be the best country ever...

United States Of America -
The most well-renouned country in modern day times.
The militaristic superpower, the United States
of America are also known as the bossiest
nation.

Positives:

Known Worldwide.

A Beacon to Others.

Powerful.

Fast Food.

Negatives:

Next to Canada.

Which Country of the World are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

every so often, there is a solar eclipse. even more rare, i post.

Thu, 12 Jun 2003 07:59:17 GMT

Frequent this website:

Jerkcity

Some of you will appreciate this. Add it to your favorites, read it every day, look through the past comics, click the random button many times and enjoy. Others will hate that site. In that case, you are inferior to myself.

Enjoy.

Sleep is the mind killer.

Fri, 23 May 2003 08:54:58 GMT

Sleeping is for the weak, and normal, among us.

Everyday, I wake up sometime between 3 and 5 pm. I go to sleep around 7 am as a result.

Observations:

Hot pockets are the best

Comedy Central should continue programming after 4 am

The Food Network should continue programming after 5 am

More than 3 straight hours of PS2 hurts your eyes

No one around here does anything interesting at all

I've seen every SNL ever made I think.

I'm going to start golfing again

I'm going to start biking again

I'm going to eventually start umpiring

I'm broke

That's all I have for tonight. Suck it, Trebek.

Mon, 05 May 2003 00:43:03 GMT

Yesterday: Wine & Cheese

Yesterday was KDR's annual Wine & Cheese, a day highlighted by the initiation of our spring pledges, cheap cheese, and massive amounts of alcohol consumption. Our new brothers, in tau order:

t258 - Eric West
t259 - Jarred Metter
t260 - Matt Simone
t261 - Chris Selwanes
t262 - Mike Shum
t263 - Adam McCue
t264 - Emil Tarazi
t265 - Kevin Lee

Congratulations to all of the new initiates, you sacks of shit.

Also on yesterday's adgenda: senior wills. During this process, each graduating senior gives some of their possessions to younger brothers, for some sentimental reason or another. I received a pirate flag from Jsoll (preceded by some gay pirate joke), a pink necktie from Nate (to be used to kill myself), and electrical tools from Eggy and Soll (for booth). Jain promoted me from Captain Penis to General Penis, Bender passed on his special duty at meeting, and Wai... well he was just Wai. Good luck to all our graduating seniors: Tommy, Jake, Soll, Eggy, Wai, Nate, Arthur, Mark, Jain, and Bender.

Today: Sleep, eat, study.

Calc final, 8:30. I must learn an entire semester of calc before then, since the only way for me to pass the class is to absolutely crush the final. Not to mention my cog psych final at 5:30 tomorrow evening. Gaaaa.

Tomorrow: Death

See above for details. Taylor's theorem, stroop experiments, and my death.

I'm better than you

Wed, 30 Apr 2003 13:18:31 GMT

Dear summer:

Where the fuck are you? Get back to me ASAP.

Thanks,
Matt

Theme to remember: Every morning when I wake up (and by morning I mean afternoon), I wish death upon this university.

Right now I’m writing a spellchecker. No where else in the world do people write spellcheckers for classes. During the process of writing this worthless program, I’ve decided that double majoring in Computer Science is among the worst ideas I’ve ever had. The only idea that comes to mind as worse is, "Excuse me sir, do you have any anthrax?" So, to rectify this situation, my academic master plan has changed once again. Instead of double (penetration) majoring in CS, I’m just going to get a minor. This gives me the added room to pick up the Business Administration minor I was interested in.

Next years schedule has been finalized and looks like this:
15-211 - Fundamental Data Structures and Algorithms
18-240 - Fundamentals of Computer Engineering
36-217 - Probability Theory and Random Processes
33-124 - Introduction to Astronomy
80-241 - Ethical Judgments in Professional Life

Click here to see the schedule.

I just learned 8 weeks of calculus in under 5 hours. I’m the best person ever. Provided I get Cs and Bs on the next exam and the final, I’ll actually pass the class. Triple T, up in this bitch.

So this weekend marks the end of the semester. Also this weekend, initiation for the Kappa Alpha pledge class. Lazy sacks of shit, but good guys nonetheless. A review of initiation (well, not really), as well as the accompanying Wine and Cheese will be given in a future entry. I still require a hot date for the event.

Up in here.

Thu, 24 Apr 2003 18:41:21 GMT

Party Saturday.
10:30

Open mixer.
9:30

Come, last KDR huge-ass party of the year.

Tue, 22 Apr 2003 08:56:06 GMT

Yet another post in the wee hours of the morning to circumvent doing work...

First off, nice work kappa alpha’s, the party was one of the finest of the year, and definitely the best pledge party since iota alpha. Another party is planned for this Saturday, and I’d expect comparable madness. Probably mixing with Theta at long last, but if not, it’ll be another open mixer.

I’ve managed to successfully fail calculus, and I’m currently involved in the ass kissing process to get a passing grade. I’m playing the mono card like it’s my job. Other than that, my grades look like complete shit. Probably a C in cog psych, B or C in ECE, high B or low A in 200, and a B in 113. When all's said and done, not a 3.0 by any stretch of the imagination, yet it doesn’t look low enough to land my pathetic, lazy ass on probation. Next semester doesn’t look any easier: 15-211 (Fundamental Data Structures and Algorithms), 18-240 (Fundamentals of Computer Engineer), 36-217 (Probability Theory and Random Processes), and 80-241 (Ethical Judgments in Professional Life). Aside from the last class, all look like hard as fuck weed out classes. Dear CMU: don’t weed me out. Weed out some of the smelly, ugly, weirdo kids.

Of late, the work has really managed to pile up, kind of like dandruff on a nerd’s Star Trek t-shirt. This week alone I have 2 tests, a presentation, 2 programming labs, and random assorted problem sets due. Not to even talk about the finals that are less than 2 weeks away. On top of it all, I have scheduling Wednesday, but only after I meet with my ECE advisor/piece of shit. Hello drudgery, goodbye personal life.

Speaking of personal life, I’m not really sure what to convey about that subject right now. I’d say there is a fairly major operation underway, with the results yet to be seen. I’ll keep you updated on this extremely arduous undertaking. Just know that I have an entire squad working for me.

Quotation of the day: "I’d rather you be awake, but I’ll knock you out if I have to'" -- Dickey Bangs, while pretending to rape Alex 'I don’t like white boys' Horton.

And I sleep.

happy easter

Sun, 20 Apr 2003 14:17:12 GMT

So, it's Easter. What did you do last night?

What did I do last night?

Please answer the latter question. Thanks.

Wed, 16 Apr 2003 17:06:27 GMT

The pledges this weekend are putting on a Luau themed party, and our world famous waterfall will be back in action. Everyone should come, it's going to be solid as hell.

Saturday night, 10:30.

Ask me to be put on the guestlist.

Wed, 16 Apr 2003 08:01:10 GMT

Before I get started here, I’m going to say that baseball is the best thing in the world. I’m sitting in my bed right now, surrounded by pictures of Bill Mazeroski, Ted Williams, and Roberto Clemente. Might seem odd, but baseball is the best thing ever. To quote the movie Field of Dreams (the pinnacle of American filmmaking):

"The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: It's a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good and that could be again."

This summer I want to go back to Cooperstown, because I haven’t been there in like 10 years. I think now I’ll be able to fully appreciate what the Hall has to offer. Also, anyone who doesn’t know and understand the general rules of baseball is a communist

End preface: begin entry.

So I’ve decided there are a few things in my life that I should consider changing. I normally despise change, but in these very limited situations, I’d say it’s pretty much necessary.

First of all, as you all know, my academic schedule is comparable to my frontal lobotomy schedule. Yes, you heard it; I attend as many classes as I have major brain surgeries. Life is a lot more fun this way, but it’s now coming to my attention that there is a very real possibility that I might fail cognitive psychology, and lets just say, that would fucking blow. It’s bad enough that it’s the worst class imaginable, but to have to take it again? So next semester I’ve created a schedule that’ll allow me to ease back into the idea of ‘going to classes’. I’ve done this by planning to take a class that doesn’t involve any lectures. Completely online logic class: best thing I’ve ever seen in a course handbook.

Second on the list of things to change, and probably more important: there is this gorgeous girl upstairs that I should really get to know. Help me out here people; I’m completely worthless. For more insight into the situation, I’d suggest listening to Weezer -- El Scorcho. "Goddamn you half-Japanese girls, do it to me every time". Things would be a lot simpler for me if I wasn’t such a complete pussy until I get 5 beers in my system. Rather than mentioning it in my shitty live journal, I’d actually go out and do something about it. Another thing to work on, eh?

I’d say that those 2 things right there are a lot of work to accomplish. I’d be happy to pull off just one of them.

So I've been working on this entry for well over an hour now (due to distractions), and thats enough for me.

My suitemate is Indian,
Matt

Honor, above all things.

Mon, 14 Apr 2003 05:46:42 GMT

Now that carnival is behind us, I actually have time to update this bitch (actually I don’t have time but this is a lot easier than say… homework).

For those of you not from CMU, allow me to explain carnival. There are 3 major components: booth, buggy, drinking. Most major organizations on campus participate in all of these activities. Each organization builds a booth for the carnival midway, with a game and (sometimes) elaborate decorations. Buggy races occur around Schenley Park, and normally involve a 4’10” Asian girl driving a small free-rolling cart, reaching around 40 miles per hour at places. Drinking is self explanatory.

This year for booth, under the guidance of geriatric brother Tommy Broughan, we constructed our interpretation of Copernicus’s observatory. Complete with a fiber optic sky, telescope with computer interface, stained glass windows, homemade spinning concentric circle thing, and working bell tower, our booth was simply amazing. I personally worked on the electrical systems and lighting within the booth, as well as helping with the game mechanism. Most of our brothers spent their time bricking and mortaring the outside of the booth, which turned out awesome. I’ve heard good things about booth, but I was honestly amazed at how the brotherhood came together to build this thing. We ended up winning second place among fraternities, the best finish in chapter history. We also won the “best in show” award, which basically means the CMU alumni present voted our booth the best on the midway. I’d like to cite the fact that I’m the best person in the world, and we are henceforth the best fraternity in the world.

Click here for pictures of carnival, thanks to Chris Lohhhhhhh.

Anyway, we did room draw for next year, and as it turns out, me and Adam are living in Jake’s room next year. With a fresh paint job, some new carpet, and about $300 spent at Ikea, it should be a pretty solid room. Second floor, first room on the right by the small stairs.

Next year is going to be an interesting experience; living in the house is a big enough change, but the departing brothers will be the biggest change to me. The graduating seniors this year are some of the best people I’ve ever met (not to mention the best booth builders), and will be honestly missed by all.

The seniors who aren’t graduating? Sacks of shit.

I have a lot more to talk about and might post later tonight again, or I might just not post for like 3 weeks. Who knows?

No one brings the shock and awe like I do.

Fox News Quotes

Sat, 29 Mar 2003 05:38:13 GMT

"We have names for our missiles like 'hellfire', and they call their missiles 'Searsucker'. You tell me who's going to win this war."

"Earlier today, an Iraqi missle attack hit the first tactical target of the war... an empty strip mall."

"We'll be right back in about 30 seconds, unlike Iraqi TV which was blown up yesterday."

Fri, 28 Mar 2003 14:59:00 GMT

First off, I’d like to thank the CMU rectal planning committee, which decided that our spring break shouldn’t align with ANY other college in America. I’ve had very little to do over the past week; primary activities have included sleeping, eating, watching TV, and installing a microwave. Exciting, down to the last drop. Get this, fellow CMU ass-clowns: we are going somewhere next year for break, somewhere crazy (like pineapple). After a week of late night E television ("Wild On" episodes constantly), we have to go to the Baja or Grand Cayman, or at the very least the Jersey shore. Also, we should bring Brooke Burke, mainly because she's hot, and it wouldn’t be the same without her.

Ok now let’s talk about the best thing ever: embedded reporting. TV has never been so good. My favorite embedded reporter quote (from Fox News of course):

"A small group of Iraqi militants drove an old school bus into the side of a US Bradley fighting vehicle, on purpose. The Marines responded with 120mm gunfire...on purpose."

How good is that shit? Now that is why I watch Fox News. Paula Zhan isn’t cynical enough.

Hi, I’m a nerd. I built myself a Linux computer over break out of old parts in my house, basically to hold a huge hard drive that won’t fit in my laptop. I think it’s customary to call a computer of this nature a “box”. Hi, tool, hi!

I’ve decided that this summer, I’m going to take the equivalent of 21-127 concepts of math. However, since CMU charges like $2000 for that class in the summer and I hate driving to and from Oakland, I’ll be attending the Robert Morris University. The class is once a week on Thursday night, so it’s not too bad. It’ll allow me to take 15-211 in the fall, and summarily begin smelling horrible.

On a completely unrelated note, it’s my personal belief that Old Navy should be forbidden from making any more commercials. Does anyone else agree that they make the absolutely worst commercials in the history of television? Every commercial should be of the same quality as Terry Tate: Office Linebacker.

In conclusion, I’d like to remind the general populous how excited I am for this summer. I’m moving up in the ranks of umpiring, I’ll be a member of the CVUA (Chartiers Valley Umpires Association), and calling little league games, up to colt league games. The pay is great, and since I honestly love the game of baseball, it doesn’t even fell like work. If you know me, I’d assume it’s tough to see the stone-faced umpire persona in me. Suppressing my infamous 'shortest temper ever' is pretty tough. It’s also one hell of a task not to tell some of the coaches what I’m really thinking about them, or their pitcher that can’t hit the fucking strike zone if his life depended on it.

This summer will also definitely include a road trip of some sort. This is yet to be decided, but current prospects include: Boston, Cooperstown, DC, or some sort of beach. More details to come.

Dollar dollar bill y’all,
The best person. Ever. Period. Suck it.

Thu, 27 Mar 2003 22:04:14 GMT

I've found someone, who is almost as great of a person as I am:

Bill Nye
The Science Guy

finally, another post for you cocks.

Fri, 21 Mar 2003 20:17:32 GMT

Odds are I will offend most of you at some point during this post. Its nothing personal, but fuck you anyhow. Read on...

What do I hate more than anything else in the world? Oh yeah, that’s hippies. Stupid fucking dirty protestors who refuse to shower...honestly, what major life event has to happen to dilute your mind to that level? What’s the point of being a dumbshit pacifist pussy, when you can just launch cruise missiles? You know it’s OK to kill your unborn babies, but heaven forbid we hunt down a tyrannical despot and liberate his country! Morons. If only you could all see the world like I do (translation: you are always wrong and I am always correct).

Perhaps the most infuriating argument I’ve ever heard from the left is "the US is way to arrogant". Arrogant? Why the fuck shouldn’t we be arrogant? It’s our God given right to be arrogant. Any country with a stockpile of daisy-cutters should be more than arrogant: they should annex all neighboring countries! Luckily for Canada and dirty fucking Mexico, we don’t do that. It’s my opinion (and therefore it is right), that other countries should worship a nation with the power we have. What other country invented flight, cured countless diseases, put a man on the moon, and designed the stealth bombers? Just look at this war -- we have nearly completely removed a country’s government from power in under 2 days. I really believe every country in the world could declare war on the United States at the same time, and we’d still come out on top.

Well regardless, the hippies lost this one. And you know who won? Me.

"Operation Biggest Piece of Glass Ever" is underway, and those of us stuck in the 60’s are cry like the little bitches that they are.

Are you watching ‘shock and awe’? If you aren’t, you should be; it’s fucking awesome. The key moment was when 12 cruise missiles struck the royal palace in rapid succession. It was kind of like a video game, only better.

sheet

Fri, 22 Nov 2002 05:08:45 GMT

party this saturday is closed/cancelled/no longer, so dont come.

tomorrow is friday. excellent.

brothers book = finished, and i now have a key.

so today i decided to bend over for the ceremonial OLR (online registration). i proceeded to pick my classes, then get raped like a little boy in michael jacksons house. im required to take a programming class with my intro to ECE next semester, but the only programming class i qualify for, i got waitlisted. score. but assuming i get off the waitlist, which i should, my schedule for next semester looks like this...

18-100 - intro to ECE
21-122 - integration, difEQ and approximation
15-200 - advanced programming practicum
85-211 - cognitive psychology

my complete schedule
adds up to 40 units, im a slacker.

one of the best sights a man can ever see is that of a 1993 circa laptop falling 8 stories, letterman style, onto concrete to its demise. here at cmu we dont have much to do on wednesday nights.

college football is one of the best things ever. it should be on every day of the week. hell, 24 hours a day every day of the year.

all things considered im a pretty awesome person that should be given an award or perhaps be crowned king of a small country.

this week in baseball

Sat, 16 Nov 2002 17:09:15 GMT

wierd week.

i got a paper back from wilkes with the word "excellent" plastered across the top. whats the deal with that?

so we work our asses off all week on the pledge project, and end up getting screwed by UPS (those communists) because our rubber liners dont come in time. they didnt even come 2 days late. if you work for UPS, end your life.

yesterdays party was pretty hot. i was bartender during the mixer, and that proved to be quite interesting. everything was going well until people started showing up. we managed to run out of just about everything, and if you know anything at all about bartending, trying to make mixed drinks without orange juice, cranberry juice, coke, and club soda is nearly impossible. at one point this girl asked me for a long island iced tea, and since we didnt have any sours mix or coke left, i tried to improvise, and basically handed her a cup full of liquor. the look on her face screamed "hey matt, you suck at life". oh well, she can go to hell.

mixer worksessions are great because i could enjoy the rest of the party w/o a worksession. didnt have to work door, bar, or dj. good stuff.

adding to the wierdness, i saw my calc ta, steph, at the party, enjoying a drunken stupor. in addition, most of my chemical enginnering lab group was there, also drunk. then i looked around and realalized everyone was drunk. yes, even you reading this.

by the way,
help your good party supplying friends at KDR out and support
Tyler Ruebensaal for Mr. Fraternity -- tonight

worthless sack!

Mon, 11 Nov 2002 20:18:36 GMT

just got my chem e test back. let me sum this up in a way that'll make it clear how badly i beat the system:

my score = class average + 10%
my attendance = class average attendance - 1000000000000000000000

henceforth, you must ask yourself: how much better than you am I?

moving on....

so the steelers tied the falcons. what the hell is that about? there hasnt been a tie in the NFL for 5 years, and then the steelers blow a 17 poitn lead to tie those worthless sacks from atlanta. worthless.

calc test this morning. raped it. take that lumburg/walker.
got a draft back from wilkes. he said it was good.
wow, academic success. i forget what this feels like. its kinda relaxing.

so im going to devote the rest of this week (and maybe more) to completeing the first phase of our pledge project by the party friday. tonight im going to make roughly 1000 cuts with a circ saw, and only lose 1 limb. lets call it "operation: not a neophyte".

remember: parrty friday.

Fri, 08 Nov 2002 21:44:34 GMT

the weekend

finally

so this weekend we have formal at the house, big parrty, minimal sobriety, good times. we're also starrting our pledge project this weekend, we better get the fuck moving on that, id like to initiate on time. me tj and dawber are going to home depot tonight to get some shit.

good advice from my big:
qsz74: sounds good. if people start slacking, grab some nuts and take control. tau plus.

(aside from the whole nut grabbing thing)

ive been sleeping my ass off lately. its the best. 10+ hours last night, woke up at like 7 on my own, bullshit.

random advice: if you ever get chinese food, and you are offered as a beverage "grass jelly drink" say NO. it has little chunks of jelly in it. doesnt sound disgusting, ,but it feels like elephant mucus going down. so dont drink it.

diet pepsi tastes like pencil erasers.

im going to finish my brothers book this weekend. if i dont, shoot me in the ass.
im going to hand in my summary paper monday. if i dont, shoot me in the ass.

its friday night, time for dinner/home depot.

another worthless day in the history of me

Thu, 07 Nov 2002 07:11:14 GMT

after staying awake all last night, today sucked as much as you might imagine. i went to interp, handed in my essay, and zoned out... ate lunch, went to chem e, and left within 30 seconds of entering the room, since they arent giving exams back until monday. went back to my room, and passed out for about 4 hours. in my wonderful binge sleeping, i managed to miss dinner at the house, which was with DG tonight. the only thing that woke me up was my cell phone ringing. oh well

anyways...

im not going to any classes tomorrow becase im awesome, and dont want to.

im going to eat lots of red meat tomorrow, because im awesome, and i want to.

some think i have given up on life, since i now wear sweatpants on a regular basis. i often forget to shave, and really dont care about anything. however, my friends, you are mistaken. what comes across as giving up on life, is simply me enjoying myself, by doing nothing. hell, i dont remember the last time i showered (kidding, idiots). but if you see me wearing sweatpants, eating red meat, and playing madden or gta all day, dont be concerned...im having the time of my life.

completely unrelated, the posters me and adam plastered all over the campus have been a huge success... ive heard of many people that were offended, and a equally number that were extremely amused. once again, i point to our awesomeness.

im going to sleep 10 hours now, goodnight.